The Desire to be Seen

I cannot think of myself as doing any other work than the one I am doing right now. And days like today just reiterate my love for helping people with the pain and suffering brought about by emotional, mental and developmental challenges.

I am working with this four year old child with severe motor problems he is also on the Autism spectrum. He is always glad to see me and sit with me to play, that itself melts my heart and makes me fall in love with him all over again every day. Today, he gave me such a graceful lesson in perseverance. With a spoon in hand, he held it in his fist and picked up a bead from a basket full of beads, and kept doing it. Imagine a kid with severe coordination problems holding a spoon with his fist and trying to pick up round beads. It is no simple feat and this little boy was clearly struggling. He loves his spoon and grabs it every time he comes into our work space. He puts it in his mouth and plays symbolically, feeding me, his mother and himself.  I wondered if his love for the spoon could go further. So, when he came in today I oriented him to a bowl full of beads and helped him pick each bead with his spoon and bring it close to his mouth and then toss it in another bowl.

Once he understood what I wanted him to do, he promptly pushed my hand away and refrained me from helping him at all (on and off I would just help him place his spoon at an angle that was easy for scooping), he then went on and on trying. There was sheer determination and one-minded focus in his face and his actions. As his helper I was getting frustrated for him, I wanted to help him by placing the bead on his spoon. I sat there watching my frustration and his confidence. He kept trying for over half hour, sometimes he would do brilliantly by scooping up a bead and bringing it close to his mouth and then tossing it into another bowl (and beam at me with pride) and at other times he would miserably fail but would just go right back to trying.

As I sat there, awed at his determination to do it by himself, and awed even more at his patience and perseverance I had to bow deeply to this graceful lesson in courage. There was something else too. After a half hour of play with this little man, another one walked in, he did not want to sit, was overflowing with energy, hyperactive actually. He screamed and yelled and just wanted to run around while his parent yanked him and demanded that he sit.  But I invited the parent to sit while we ran around. We played ball and climbed up chairs and stools while continuing to play ball. After an entire 15 minutes of activity done his way, he opened up to what I asked him to do. We played together naming animals and responding appropriately to the noises each animal would make. We played puzzles and 15 minutes down, he was ready to leave, as was I.

These two interactions today got me thinking about the desire to be seen. There is something about the desire to be seen, the desire to be understood. When we feel that we are seen, heard by someone, when we feel we are respected and accepted for who we are, when we can be supported in whatever way we need, we begin to blossom and grow.  The desire to be seen, respected and supported runs through us all as children and this desire when affirmed opens up so many new possibilities.  

The parents of these children that I see desire this for their children too and when they see that someone else is willing to pay them attention, respect and support they promptly give it to themselves and their children. I am not sure there is anything else in the world that engenders love within than this opportunity to listen, respect and support someone else.  Don’t you think?              

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